I have been a mother since I was 19 years old which seems like ages ago to me. I grew up with the same knowledge that, “When you’re a mother, you can’t have time for you.” “All your time is for your child and you have to sacrifice everything.” “You have to keep your eyes on that child every second and that is your job and that is all you can do.” “You have to give up your happiness and dreams.”
These messages and statements never fit well for me, it is similar to the messages sent out that, “You can’t put yourself first, if you do you are selfish.”
I once spoke to someone a long time ago and he said to me, “Just as a fire fighter, you put your mask on so you can save others.”
I am here to tell you and remind you that when you are a mother, you do not have to sacrifice everything. You do not have to give up all time and you do not have to lose all happiness because you have a child. You are a mother and to be a mother, there is something every mother should know and take with them and understand. You have to have time for you and you have to take care of you or you will lose the ability and know how of how to take care of others.
I didn’t live this way through my marriage, I did sacrifice and I did spent every second taking care of my husband and my child and I forgot how to take care of me. I forgot over the years and I looked to others to make me happy and depended on them to help me because I forgot how to take care of me. I was following the message that is given to us growing up. I did this gradually, I lost sight of myself and I made mistakes because I didn’t have any fuel for my soul because I was giving it all away and I was taking care of everyone but me and I lost how to care for me. I lost how to be happy with me and I slowly lost how to take care of others.
My marriage fell a part and I am not saying it is me because it breaks on two ends, but this is my part. I lost myself and I sacrificed and didn’t take care of me. I wasn’t happy with my life and I wasn’t happy with who I was or what I had. I had lost sight of everything because I had no fuel. I had given it all away.
When my marriage ended in April 2010 I began to find myself and I began to take time for me and care for me because I had no one. No one was there to depend on, I was alone and I felt alone and I was scared. I wasn’t lost and sad anymore, I was terrified and I was alert and awake and it was a difficult time for me. It was difficult to go from giving and losing myself and sacrificing everything including myself, to not having anyone to lean on and being along with the situation that was now a fire burning me. I changed homes, I left my husband, I left behind my children, I got pushed down and insulted by my neighbors and in-laws while pregnant with my son Niki and I dealt with the unstable emotional ups and downs of my boyfriend Michael.
I began to discover over time that I needed to take care of me, because no one else was going to. I needed to be happy and I needed to do what was best for me so I could get into a good balanced place emotionally and physically and mentally. I have gone through many changes since April 2010 and for the better to. I have undergone, divorce, custody, change in lifestyle, low self of esteem, breakups, miscarriage, abuse, break ups, getting help to support myself and my child, court, more break ups, hospital visits, being sick, being anemic, living alone, going grocery shopping by myself, paying bills, doing everything for myself. Every day I do something and learn something knew.
I have gone through so many changes and grown up so much and it was then when I learned how to take care of me again.
I am more balanced now and I am more happy and I am able to have the fuel I need so that I can be a good mom for my children. Better than I was. All because I stopped sacrificing and I started taking care of me and remembering that it’s important to do things for me and take care of me and find out my dreams so that I can be there for others.
The message is clear. “Take care of you”
Motherhood is not about sacrifice, it’s about a balance and finding a balance so that you can be a good mom for your children and teach your children that it is essential and important to take care of yourself so that you can take care of others. To live a balanced life.
Every day it’s a struggle, the world is changing and there are so many obstacles that come our way, but we must learn to stop… breathe and take a moment to remember what we need to be able to go forward.
I love my life and I love my children and I love how far I have come and I am thankful of where I am now. I get lonely, but I am balanced and able to rise from it and take care of myself and reassure myself and do something good for me that makes me feel good. SOmething I need, so that I can live a balanced life.
The world is changing and it’s time we understand that the messages we give to our children will have an impact and many of these messages have caused unpleasantness and caused destruction and I think going into the future there will be better messages given for our future generations. In fact I have seen and heard new messages that I agree with coming into play and being spoken and people are speaking out what would be covered up years ago.
We are learning we have a voice and we can learn to communicate and solve problems and help each other through understanding which comes from communication and finding a balance among us. This is the future.
Tell me? How many of you have sacraficed who you are?
How many of you have forgotten how to take care of yourself?
How many of you are not happy with your life or who you are?
When did you learn to take care of you? And how is your life now that you do?