Back To School

Tags

Child, Child care, Day care, Early Childhood, Early childhood education, Education, Family, High school

So I have decided to take an ECE course which is translated into Early Childhood Education so I can work in a day care which is originally what I was suppose to do after high school. It’s what I was planning on doing and even had a job lined up but my life took a different course and I became a wife and mother instead which was okay, but now that I have had all my children and am a single mom I am now ready to face the world again and begin my life and do what I was originally suppose to do while I do my art on the side, which is where my passion lies. I will always be an artist. I will never quit, it is who I am. I love it.

I am looking into the school course and there is a process before I can start it, but I will keep updated on it. I have a few meetings to attend first.

I have purchased a few things for school already.

How exciting, never thought I’d say that about school, but I’m just excited to get out there and make money and meet cool people who like doing what I do.

 

 

 

Birthday Boy

Tags

Birthday, Birthday cake, Children, Family, Holidays, Home, Shopping, Twitter

Yesterday I celebrated my oldest sons 9th birthday. I got him a big boy red watch and a mario birthday cake which he loved. He was all smiles and so happy to see my new place and puppy. I was so happy to spend time with him and can’t wait to see him and my other kids soon. They are getting so big.

I can’t believe I have five beautiful, amazing children in my life.

I remember when I was 13 my oldest sister who now never wants to speak to me told me that I was adopted and that I couldn’t have children after I told her that I wanted a big family when I grew up and got married. I cried because that was my whole dream when I was growing up. To be a mama and when I was 18 and married and my husband at the time and I tried for a family we didn’t get pregnant for a good six months and I was so worried that my sister was right and now I have five. Though I will never forget the baby i lost before I was pregnant with Niki. I love you baby Angel.

I am glad my son had a good birthday party. His real birthday isn’t until Feb 20th, but he goes to school so I had to make it on a weekend. My sweet Johnathan. <3

 

To view the birthday video watch here

 

I’m almost back/ heart ache

Tags

Diet (nutrition), Family, Home, Parent, Pregnancy, Weight gain, Weight Gain During Pregnancy, Weight loss

Before I got pregnant with my last child Teddy i weighed 120 lbs and then right before I delivered I weighed 154 lb and now after almost 4 months of having my little Teddy Bear I am down to 131 lbs so I have about 11 pounds more to lose until I’m down to my normal, average weight. Yay. It usually takes me from six months to a year after having a baby to lose all of the weight, so I still have a bit to go, but it’s nice knowing I’m almost there. 11 pounds isn’t that much to lose. I’m not working out or anything, just every day activities, like walking and dancing.

It feels so good not being pregnant any more and also knowing I am done having babies. Mind you I am still worried about pregnancy as every woman is, but since I don’t have any body and I don’t sleep around I don’t have nothing to worry about right now. I mean seriously I am worried even though I don’t got to be so much that I am on the pill just to have an ease of mind. I guess having five babies so close together has given me the heebeegeebees. it’s like it became my way of life. Ha! I’m terrified of pregnancy now. Well that and getting my heart smashed again by some guy who I think cares about me, but deep down only lusts after me and wants one thing. Sigh

I’ve been a bit blue lately because I feel like I’ll never find a man, especially one that treats me right and even though my ex was an a hole to me, I still have that heavy feeling thinking, why couldn’t he just love me like I did him. Ya know what I mean. I know thats normal to feel after a broken heart, loving someone so much and then finding out the other never felt the same and after being cheated on really does a doozy on you and it’s been so many months since I was cheated on and a full year since I was in a relationship. If I can even call it that. It’s a few days from valentines day and I know I don’t and wont have any one for it. I’ve been single for so long and I have no possibilities of dating. I know it’s nearly impossible since I am a full time mom of two small children, what man would want that responsibility? I may have to wait until they are school aged to even have some sort of possibility of meeting someone. I can’t even go on a real date, I don’t have a sitter and if I did I would worry about my kids, wondering if they were in good hands, so it’s basically impossible. It is what it is though. Life goes on.

On a positive note, I got my place looking real nice, I am finally living in a place I can really call a home and my little family is very happy here. I have been enjoying the view and being creative here and looking forward to more memories in this place.  :)

 

 

 

Breastfeeding

Tags

Babies, Breastfeeding, Family, Health, Home, Human breast milk, Human breast milk, Nursing, Teddy bear

As you all know I had been breast feeding since I had little Teddy Bear, but I have had infections and sores and have just been in a lot of pain regarding breast feeding. I sought help through nurses and doctors about it, but it just didn’t seem to ease the discomfort and I continued to get infections and soreness etc. I decided to stop nursing because it was becoming stressful and too painful to bare. I know many mothers will stay negative things about stopping, but each to their own. I did my best for as long as I could.

Since stopping a few days ago, I have been in so much pain as I usually am after stopping. It is almost unbearable and I’ve been in tears here and there by it. This is awful, but I know it will fade. It was worse the first two days I stopped and today is okay, except when I fill. That still hurts a lot and I have been taking meds for it, which help take the edge off a little. I am looking forward to this being over, big time. Those who are mommys can probably relate to this.

Holy shit ballsicles of fire turd spitflippers is it awful to feel this sort of pain.

On a happier note, I get to move in a few days and am really looking forward to that. “Big Time”

 

 

40 weeks & Counting

Tags

Baby, Children, Family, Home, Infant, Pregnancy, Shopping, Ultrasound

So I have passed my 40 week mark which baffles me considering this is my fifth baby and all my others came earlier. it is so odd to me that the fifth baby is taking it’s time and possibly because this one is very tiny compared to my other four according to the doctors. the baby is only measuring at 32 weeks and I am 40 weeks, the development is right on, but the size is small. Good for me because I wanted to have a tiny baby because all my others were 7’9 or 7’6 and it would be nice to have a 6 lb baby and not tare. (TMI)

I have had a lot of contractions for weeks which I guess are just painful braxton hicks sadly. I was dilated 3 cm and 50 % effaced last time I was checked which was about a week ago. I am not sure if I have progressed from that, but I have no way of knowing unless I go in labor or until my doctor’s appointment on Tuesday  which would make me days over my due date. I am scheduled to be induced on the 9th either way. I am hoping I don’t last till then and go in on my own, but sigh, it doesn’t look like labor is starting at this point. I can’t seem to go by contractions since I have them now and they last days and are anywhere from 8 to 3 mins apart, lasting a minutes and hurt. I am hoping I have show or water breaks so I can know for sure when to go in, other wise I have to risk being sent home for the fourth time. They wont keep me unless I make it to 4 cm and I am progressive.

I really am uncomfortable and have been for quite a while now, I can’t get much sleep at night, due to excessive heartburn and backache. I am unable to get comfortable and I got to get up to pee every hour or less, so it makes it quite difficult. Also when I am having contractions and their uncomfortable, it makes for an unpleasant night which leads to headaches the next day from lack of sleep. Sigh. I am really ready to have this baby and have tried everything to induce naturally, but nothing works.

I am starting to think this baby needs to be induced and I will have to wait till the 9th to get induced, I was just hoping I wouldn’t have to be induced this time, considering it is very painful and since I don’t get epidural s, yea… I am very uncomfortable.

I had a NST the other day to make sure baby is okay to last a week over due and it showed I was in fact having contractions about every five minutes, but they didn’t check me, nor did they keep me. I also had another ultrasound to make sure baby is good and placenta and fluid levels are good as well to last. I never heard back, but I would have if something was wrong, so…

The ultrasound tech didn’t tell me the gender, but an intuitive person who isn’t usually wrong on gender predictions says I am having a girl, which is my feeling anyways. So yay if it’s correct. Also I was eating at a restaurant and I mentioned how my first ultrasound went and how the lady changed her mind of it being a girl after I had gotten excited and she said that they usually do that to save their ass, because they can’t say their 100 percent etc. So she told me to go buy pink lol.

At this point I don’t care what the gender is because I just want to meet my baby, but of course I still feel and hope it’s a little girl.

Either way, it’s Claira or Corey

As you can tell from my expression, I am so done being pregnant lol

 

Doctors Appointment

Tags

Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, Childbirth, Children, Family, Home, Infant, Pregnancy, Shopping

So I am nearing my 36 week of pregnancy and had a doctors appointment today. I am still measuring small at 32 weeks, but the doctor isn’t worried, this baby is just small, but still growing so there is no concern there. He still believes I will be having the baby early and is hoping I make it past thanksgiving because he goes away for four days and wont be here if I go in. I have no control when the baby wants to come though. :p I am very excited that the end is near and soon I will be holding baby in my arms.

I had a blood test today, the final test for this pregnancy, yay. The doctor didn’t even to tell me to come back next week lol, I guess he thinks either I’ll go in by then, or he forgot to mention it.

I am having very frequent braxton hicks that are much stronger and I get a lot of pelvic pressure and I have been losing my mucus plug quite a bit now, so I know labor is nearing. I was suffering from heartburn a lot, but since the baby is all snug in my pelvis, I have a relief of that and just have to pee a hell of a lot more. lol either way I get no sleep. :p

btw I live in canada and thanksgiving is on the 8th of october this year. I am looking forward to a yummy dinner, fallowed by apple pie, which is my favourite pie in the whole world. OH YES. Will I make it though. :p

So when do you think baby will come? How much will baby wieght? What will it be?

I notice I am very emotional with this baby as well, I cry about everything now. Lol movies, commercials, the thought of something happy. i was walking down the street and this old man tripped and almost fell and I reached out just in case to catch him and I almost started crying because I was worried he’d of fallen and hurt himself. Just at the thought of it, I got teary eyed. Also, last night I started crying because I was thinking what I should write in my step dads birthday card.

Five Children (Judgemental Eyes)

Tags

Divorce, Family, God, Home, Infant, mother, Parent, Pregnancy

I’m almost a mother of five children and as a mother of many children I am constantly judged by family and strangers for it. I am not sure why many have to judge that, but it is quite hurtful to make someone feel bad for bringing children into the world. I love all my little ones and I do not regret any of them. I grew up in a big family, I have three brothers and two sisters and my parents came from large families as well. I am old fashion that way and I love children.

I got married at eighteen and immediately wanted to have a family and did, I had three children with my now ex husband. We didn’t work out for many reasons I wont say and those three children have disabilities and delays and reside full time with my ex because I didn’t want to pry them away from their family home since they are sensitive to change and because he has lots of family support etc for their needs and all I have is me and my mother.

It was so hard to leave my three behind and begin a new life and visit my kids when I could.

After leaving my husband I became involved with another man who I fell in love with, harder then I had with anyone and I tried so hard to make it work and I fell pregnant unplanned and I really wasn’t ready for a baby at all. I ended up losing that baby at 11 weeks in and I was devastated and blamed myself for it because I thought it was my fault it happened because I wasn’t excited about it. I was so hurt by the loss. My new boyfriend and I tried for a baby after that and moved in with another and I got pregnant right away and the loss became easier to deal with and I loved my new growing baby and was so careful not to exert myself because I didn’t want to lose the baby and experience that kind of loss ever again. So that is how my fourth came along. My boyfriend and I ended up splitting, he didn’t treat me right and it was always a wishing game, that he would change and be happy to be with me kind of struggle, but it never happened.

I tried to move on and dated another man which I began a relationship with and hoped it would go well and he was a single dad and seemed very nice but he did alot of misleading things like never spending the night etc. We were very careful not to get pregnant and one night the protection failed and boom, it just took that once. I knew I was going to be alone and abandoned, he told me it was my fault and told me to get rid of it, for lack of a better word and I told him to get lost. You see I don’t believe in abortions and after losing a baby you never forget the feeling of loss and I couldn’t just get rid of it, like it was a piece of old furniture. I wanted to keep the baby. People suggested my giving it up for adoption, but I couldn’t do that either and wonder where my baby was all my life and have the baby grow up and ask why I gave them up? what was wrong with them? instead of being like the two possible fathers I decided to keep the baby and give the baby so much love and know that God has a plan. God gave me five children and anyone who see’s it as something bad I just don’t understand that.

I have had so much pain from men and them leaving me after having children and just being abandoned and feeling so unloved and wanted, my children are my greatest love in this world and my greatest happiness. I am so very blessed to have so many, when some can’t even have one. Which is very sad to me. I love children and having five is the same as having one, only more love to go around. My life hasn’t gone the way I had planned, not even the slightest. I was supposed to get married and live happily ever after with my prince who loved me and instead, well here I am.

Life happens how it happens and sometimes the choices we make change the future, but I wouldn’t change it. I have my children who I love so very much and no matter how many judgement eyes look upon me I know I am lucky and blessed to have such beautiful, wonderful amazing children who have such big hearts.

I wish the world wasn’t so judgemental and actually took a moment to ask themselves what it would feel like to get that judgement upon them. All I know is, I would never judge like that, I know better then anyone what that feels like and no one deserves it. I know I don’t, especially not from family and not from strangers either.

When someone says, “WOw, five, I hope your done now.” Or, “That’s sure a lot of kids” “Why did you have so many?” “Dont have any more” Type stuff, it’s so insensitive towards my feelings.

It’s just been bothering me, this sort of judgement and I wanted to write about it and express my feelings on it. Please be more kind to others, we all have feelings and we all get hurt and you have no idea what someone is going through or gone through to get them to where they are and you have no right to judge them.

On a happier note, “I can’t wait to meet my last little one, I am so excited to see if it’s a boy or girl and hold it in my arms and look into the baby’s eyes and tell them I love them so very much.” (Crying at the thought of it) happy tears of course.

Moving

Tags

Baby, Children, Family, Home, mother, OMG (song), Recreation, Shopping

Yea.. so I got to look at the place on the bottom floor I might be moving into and I have changed my mind after seeing it. OMG. It is disgusting, the person that moved out that lived there before did not take good care of it. The walls are literally yellow. It reeked of cigarette smoke and the carpet needs replacing, the walls need painting and the bathtub is blackish in dirt and crud. The kitchen cupboards are falling apart and gross and the only thing good about it is its on the bottom floor and it has a wonderfully big patio. I am not bringing my kids and myself into a gross unhealthy place like that. NO WAY. So now I have to stick it out with the elevator problems and small place until I can save up to move into a bigger and better place next year. Gosh that place was gross.

I am getting rid of my large tv as well which should be gone today and as a temporary tv my mom is letting me use their small one until I can borrow their other one which is bigger and then borrow that until I can buy a newer one. I said I was going to downsize my tv, but I didn’t realize how much. lol

hahaha

Too funny :p

So I am staying put sadly. On the good side I hate moving and I don’t have to rush to move stuff before the baby comes which is going to be soon based on my latest symptoms and either way baby will be here before the 25th this month so… I was stressing about having to move and stuff and then move again next year, so now I can at least rest easy and just wait for baby and try and stick it out till then.

I can’t wait to meet my last little one. I go to the doctors tomorrow and I believe he’s going to check if I have dilated any as well so that will be exciting to find out if I have. I hope I have a little. I’ve been getting constant braxton hicks all day and night, and back aches. I am sure it’s soon, but not sure how soon from now.

34 weeks Pregnant

Tags

British Army, Children, Family, Home, Loss, Pregnancy, Royal Artillery, Shopping

 

So I am now 34 weeks along and everything is going great, the baby’s heartbeat is over 140 beats per min and is doing great. The baby has already made it’s way down and is ready to come out as my doctor says. He doesn’t think I will last too long.

When the doctor measured my belly it was measuring 29 weeks and I was 33 weeks when I had my appointment, which is now the second time I have measured small. The doctor isn’t concerned though and says it’s because the baby has descended down and is ready in place. He will be scraping my membranes at 38 weeks along, TMI but yay, because at least I know the baby will at the latest be born around the 24th ish in October. I still have a feeling about Oct 16th though.

 

My heartburn is still giving me grief but it’s almost over so.. just have to hold in there a few more weeks and then I get to meet my little dancer

 

33 weeks Pregnant

Tags

Family, Gender, God, Heartburn, Home, Niki, Pregnancy, Weight

 

The day is getting closer and closer and I am getting very excited to meet my little one I know it’s going to be hard getting sleep and getting into a routien after the baby is here but I am so excited  to meet my little baby that wanted so badly to be a part of my family. A blessing from God

I just posted a video of pictures on youtube of my belly growth up till now

which you can watch here

I have little heart burn now thanks to the pharmacist who recommended a product that is safe and actually helps my acid reflux I think I would call it. It was so uncomfortable and I still get it mostly at night time, but that’s when I get up and take my magic medicen and I get get back to sleep until I get up to pee again which I have been doing more often at night now. About 5 times at least.

I feel big during the afternoon and night, but then when I wake up I don’t feel like I’m that huge, I guess it’s because with a full stomach during the day the baby squishes up my stomach and stuff and it makes it feel like everything is so snug inside me. The baby feels like it’s in my ribs and breasts half the time. lol

Other then heart burn, I am very tired most of the time and like to have a nap in the afternoon while my son Niki naps. Have to take advantage of the nap times while I can have them.

I haven’t really been going out much because it’s just too hot outside for me and I get tired easily and plus I am terrified of my elevator which is old and has broken down a few times now since I’ve lived here and it makes such creepy noises I am worried of getting trapped inside of it and I am not comfortable in small spaces. Eek. I watch home decorating and renovating shows and I get claustrophobic just watching those workers get into small crawl spaces and insulate the house. YIKES!

So now that I am almost to my full term mark which is considered after 37 weeks yay. I am asking people to make some guesses on the gender and weight and the day baby will be born. I have had a feeling about it for awhile now.

My guess is

Gender:GIRL

Weight: 7 Lbs 6 Ounces

Birth Date: Oct 16th

I don’t know why but I keep feeling like I’m going to go into labor on the 15th and have the baby on the 16th, I’ve felt that for months now. lol We’ll see if I’m right or close. I will be 37 weeks by then.

I never usually last till my due date which is Oct 31st and my doctor wont allow me to pass it so.. don’t bother guessing past it lol

I’ll gives some history which might help you to guess better. :p

First Child:

Name: Johnathan

 

Gender :Boy

Weight: 7 Lbs 10 ounces

Born Feb 20th

40 weeks exactly

 

Second Child:

Name: Chassetty

Gender: Girl

Weight: 7 Lbs 6 ounces

Born Nov 28th

37 weeks

 

Third Child

Name: Natin

Gender: Boy

Weight: 7 Lbs 9 Ounces

Born April 30th

39 weeks

 

Fourth Child

Name: Niki

Gender: Boy

Weight: 7 Lbs 6 ounces

Born: April 1st

39 weeks

 

Now you can take a guess at baby Five, my last baby

Fifth Child

Name: Claira Or Corey

Gender:?

Weight:?

Born:?

 

 

 

32 weeks Pregnant

Tags

Chicago, Clothing, Family, God, Home, Louise Brown, Mike Jordan, Pregnancy

I’m a month more to go now and very excited to meet my last little one who was determind to be in this world. I am not sure you all know the story but, I had been finished having kids after I had Niki. I wasn’t planning on having any children and took precautions not to get pregnant however while with my ex “J” I will call him, we used protection like crazy and were very careful and I was on my period at the time when the precaution failed. The condom broke and boom, right after we found out it had I knew deep down through intuition that I was pregnant. He thought I was just freaking out for nothing because the odds were slim to him. I however knew better because I could sense it very strongly. 

Weeks went by and I found out I was right and I was pregnant and he dumped me because I wouldn’t get rid of the baby. I do not believe in abortions and I decided if the doctor said I was okay to have the baby I was going to. I had been having some tests reguarding some health stuff with abnormal cells, but the doctor said the results were good so far and it was all good and safe for me to have the baby. I was scared at first and nervious about having, now my fifth baby, but you know, God has plans for us and we were all meant to be here for a reason and for some reason this baby was meant to be born. I am blessed to have all my children. I get judged a lot for how many I have, but you know what, i don’t regret having as many as I have. They are all wonderful children. Three are with my ex husband of 8 years and they have special needs and get better support with my ex considering he has more family and friends to help out. I am raising full time my son Niki who is with my other ex of 2 years and now this one that I am due to have from my last ex who dumped me after a month. I wasn’t sad about it though, after hearing and seeing how he reacted and things he said about the baby etc and blaming me for the pregnancy I am glad he doesn’t want anything to do with me or the baby because we are better off without someone like that.

I am happy now and I can see my other three children when I am able to which isn’t too often with their special classes and schooling and my pregnancy, but they know I love them very much and and I help them out when I can and see them when I can.

I am now 32 weeks along and excited to meet either Claira or Corey. I am also looking forward to it being over because this pregnancy has been very hard on my body as far as aches and pains go. I get a lot of braxton hicks and have been since I was 18 weeks along. I have a lot of heart burn and back aches and just haven’t been too comfortable this pregnancy. I am looking forward to the end and closing up shop after and never having to worry about getting pregnant again. Not like I’m going to get out there and be with guys or anything. All the men I have been with i had relationships with and I thought it was the real deal, but it wasn’t. Three frogs and no prince. It’s okay though, things happen for a reason, my children came out of the relationships and I love them more then life itself and am so very thankful for them.

Niki is growing up fast and is always doing something really cute each day. He says kisses now and up. He can say other words like, hot dog, mommy, daddy, nana, grandpa. He does a lot of babble talk and he gestures a lot with what he wants. he will fallow me around with his blanky I call “His Cuddle Blanky.” and bottle and it means he is thirsty. Or he will gesture he is tired by rubbing his eyes and handing me his bottle. He will grab my hand and move it to objects he wants to use, like the mouse to the computer. haha. he is adorable. I notice he is more shy to talk etc in front of others though. I am hoping he gets picks up more and more. I have never experienced that yet considering my three other children have special needs and still have trouble with speaking. I never got to experience the early words, or early sentences etc of children. I know that probably sounds odd, but I haven’t. A lot of what Niki has done so far has blew my mind because it was like experiencing it for the first time and it is so good to see and watch.

Back to my pregnancy.. I am 32 weeks and a couple days and have another doctors appointment on the 18th. I am going to the doctor every two weeks now instead of every 4 and soon it will be down to every week. When he said to see him every 2 I got so excited because I knew it was getting close to having the baby.

I am pretty much prepared for the baby to arrive besides getting some more baby clothes after she or he arrives considering I don’t know the gender for sure yet and don’t want to buy the wrong colour or buy a whole bunch of yellow and white stuff. lol Bleh

I am still hoping for my little girl, but, it doesn’t matter either way, I am so excited.

I am kinda scared about the labour being that it seems not so long ago from Niki’s labour and I remember the pain vividly and I do not look forward to feeling that again. So it frightens me and I have to just breathe and focus on the baby being here and not the pain that comes with it. Meditate more.

I have gained about 23 pounds so far this pregnancy which seems like a lot for me eek. Though I usually gain up to 35 during my pregnancy’s any ways and I can work it off after and I bought some after pregnancy clothing to look forward to. I can’t wait to fit back into my clothes and get back into shape. It will be such a wonderful feeling to get back in shape and know that I wont be growing out of my clothes again and baring another baby again. lol I am FANEETOEEE!

I grew up from a long line of big families so I fit right into that. :p

I have three brothers and two sisters and my dad is a family of like 8 and my mom of five I think. She is a twin.

Well I’m tired, which has been a normal thing lately, can’t get enough sleep, so I’m going to take some heart burn stuff I got called Gaviscon since I have acid in my throat ugg and hope to get a good night sleep.

New Home

Tags

Bars and Clubs, Business and Economy, Family, God, Health, Restaurants and Bars, United States, Washington DC

So Squeaker now has a new home and he looks very happy and the family that has him now were very happy to have him. They even brought me a gift as a thank you for allowing them to welcome him into their family. That makes me happy knowing that he will be taken care of and that I have made a family happy with something so simple as giving them a new member of their family.  :)

 

Here are a few pictures they sent me of his new home,

 

Bi Curious

Tags

bi bi-curious experience, Family, Home, Mothers, Parenting, People, Requesting Help, Single Mothers, Single-parent

Is it bad that I am and probably always have been but didn’t want to admit it. I’m more confident now though and don’t really care what others say about it because everyone has different likes and interests. I’ve talked to a few gals that are in the same boat and looking to make a girlfriend, one I can spend time with and possibly explore my curiosity. :p

I’m a wild child Iz is lol “joke”

It’s not a big deal, and I’m not in search of a partner, just a girlfriend to chill and have fun with. One who shares my interests and that we can create and have fun with what we enjoy and love together. Make new memories.

I’m going the online way of meeting girls instead of in person considering it’s hard to know who is or isn’t like me and I don’t get the opportunity to meet other girls much being a single mother and not able to go out alone and do stuff. When my babies get a bit older it will be different but for right now I go out with my son, so you can imagine its hard to meet people. :p I’ve tried mother groups, but I don’t seem to fit in with them other girls. :p

Anyone in the same boat as me?

Whats your first experience with the same gender?

Mine is, my best friend from the u.s when I lived there and we used to play with each other Not a detailed story or anything, but you get the picture. haha

My family doesn’t know this about me, but I’m not ready to share yet until I explore more. I know they wont care though, well my mom might lol. She’s against gay marriage and stuff, if they don’t know I’m into girls it I’d find it odd they are shocked because I constantly compliment woman and defend gay marriage and talk a lot about women and how pretty they are ha ha. :p

 

 

Sleepy Eyes

Tags

Baby Names, Breastfeeding, Family, Home, Infant, Morning sickness, Odense Boldklub, Pregnancy

I am really tired today, man this pregnancy is making me a zombie, :p so tired all the time. I started getting Braxton hicks yesterday believe it or not but I read up that if it’s not your first pregnancy then your more likely to get them earlier then you usually would because you know what they feel like or something like that. I haven’t had any today, so that’s good. It might have been from pushing my heavy stroller up a hill yesterday, but I gotta do what I gotta do.

I am so excited about having my ultrasound soon and finding out what it is and picking out names. I don’t remember ever being this excited before, perhaps because I know this is my last baby and then I’m getting my tubes tied. I’m enjoying everything now and just taking one day at a time and loving being pregnant and feeling baby.

The baby mostly has movement at night-time it seems.

Weird thing about night, I used to sleep on my left side all the time, but with this baby I seem to be way more comfortable on my right side. I’m not sure why, maybe because the baby is on that side, I’m not sure. I keep wanting to sleep on my back, but I heard that you shouldn’t during pregnancy for some reason so I always roll back over onto my side. I love sleeping mostly on my tummy and being that I’m still very small I am able to. When I get bigger I probably wont be able to. Ha!

It’s so hard to think up baby names for the baby, especially not knowing what the gender is yet. I have so many girls names and only like one or two boys names. Though, I’m not loving any yet. I keep asking everyone to think of names and tell me them so I can find one I like faster. Haha. So far nothing…

I’ve heard lot’s of names, just not any that click and make me say, oh ya, I really love that. Maybe cause I have no clue on gender, maybe once I know I’ll be able to settle on one, or maybe I’ll wonder about it till I see the baby’s face and then I’ll know.

I am really hoping for another little girl, but god gives you what he gives you. I already have three boys so… it would be nice to have another girl so my daughter can have a sister. Plus they keep telling me to give them another sister. Haha.

My oldest son Johnathan wants another sister so bad he holds the ultrasound picture and says, “little baby girl, Bel bel” haha. He want’s the name to be Bella. He’s so sweet. My daughter wants a sister to and natin and Niki are too young to really understand any of it.

Omg I can’t wait to find out hehe.

 

Guess the Gender

Tags

Baby Gender Mentor, Calendars, Facebook, Family, Gender, Health, Home, Pregnancy

 

 

I am now 18 weeks and 4 days pregnant and my ultrasound is on the 27th where I get to find out the gender of the baby, so I decided to let you all take a guess to see who is right. Sounds like fun huh?

Above you can see the photo’s week by week, starting at 4 weeks and ending at 18 weeks.

I will list a few more things to help you guess as well.

The heart beat is 160 beats per minute.

My cravings include,

Peanut butter

Chocolate

Chocolate milk

Ice cream

Gummie Bears

Jelly beans

Soda

Pizza

Hot Dogs

French fries

Scrambled eggs

Hash browns

cranberry juice

 

My symptoms include,

Frequent urination haha joke every pregnancy you have that pfft

Back ache

Ankles sore

Acne

dry skin

emotional

itchy skin

tiredness

nausea

some heart burn, not too much this time

vivid dreams “haha”

Low sex drive haha

dizziness

um can’t think of anymore

 

Hmm what else would help?

I’ve looked at pictures of when I was pregnant with my others and each pregnancy my belly looked different so… hard to tell with that one. haha

Um, I did the needle test and it went around and round.

 

My other children, not sure you can guess by what I’ll have next with this but I have three boys and one girl already. :p

 

So with all that info… what do you say it is?

 

A walk In the Rain

Tags

Baby transport, Baking and Confections, Cooking, Family, Frozen, Headache, Home, ice cream

I had to go for a long walk in the pouring rain and of course I get soaked because I can’t hold an umbrella and push my big stroller unless I want to pass out from over exerting myself, so I choose to get wet. I mean from head to toe wet, I got a hood on but I still get soaked. Then not only do I have to get wet I have to wait in line, while in the rain to get my food hamper. Yes I am a poor person and need to go to food banks once or twice a month. That’s life.

Niki seems to love the rain and every time I cover him so he doesn’t get wet he tries to peek his head out and get his hair wet and then he giggles about it. It made me think of my childhood. I was a rain lover when I was a young girl. I remember when I was 12 or 13 I would purposely go out in the rain without an umbrella and just stand or dance in it. It was a great memory, I loved the smell and the feel and the way it sounded and after going inside I loved changing into warm dry clothes and my body felt like it had been cleansed. it was so refreshing.

I snapped out of that memory and I tried to cover Niki up again but he still would uncover himself and lean so far out of the stroller so that he could get the tips of his hair wet and laugh. He is so adorable. It brought back another memory.

I was about 5 or 6 and my mom had six kids so there was a lot of us and there was only one of her. It was hard to get attention sometimes and I was upset about it and about something else I can’t remember and I thought. I’m going to go sit out in the pouring rain without a jacket or shoes on and get sick and then she will pay attention to me to. I must have waited out in the pouring rain on the curb outside of my house for about 10 minutes before my mom saw me and came out and got me and brought me inside. I got my attention at least. :p

Another thing I remembered was I was about 9 and I always got headaches. Headaches are something I suffer from, I’m not sure your all aware of that but I suffer from head aches and migraines. I have my whole life. I’ve been checked out for it, but doctors can’t seem to find a cause. Anyways so I had a terrible headache and I don’t take pills, for those that know me because of my short gag reflex and the fact that they freak me out or make me vomit. :p

I was hiding under my bed which was in the basement where I shared with my other two older sisters and I was crying, hiding under my bed and my mom found me and crawled under as much as she could to ask what was wrong. I told her I had a head ache and she kind of chuckled and asked why I didn’t tell her and what hiding under the bed was going to do for it and I mentioned how I didn’t want to take a pill and I knew she would give me one. Then she left for about five minutes and came back and said, I dished you out a bowl of ice cream, why don’t you come upstairs and eat it with your brothers and sisters. it will help your head ache.

So I did with a few sniffles of my nose and I started eating the ice cream which tasted a tad funny in certain spots but I still ate it and soon after my head ache was gone. I now know that my mother had chopped up the pill and mixed it in with my ice cream. Haha. She was always so sneaky like that.

It’s amazing how a walk in the rain and watching your own child can make you remember things from your own childhood. Sometimes it’s hard to believe we were ever that young, isn’t it.

I still have my pussy

Tags

Cat, Family, Home, Humor, Pets, pets promise alien planet funny sweet dream, Recreation, Relationships, Sacrifice

I haven’t been able to give up my pussy cat yet. I’ve had her for over 13 years so it makes it quite difficult even though she annoys me and makes me sneeze throughout the day and night which gets rough. I also had a dream last night where part of it I was cuddling with cuddles and then I couldn’t breathe from being so close to her to the point I had to go to the window and breathe in the fresh air to get air. 

usually when I dream of stuff like that its a premonition of what will come eventually with this allergy. I love her, but I don’t want to have that problem or this problem all the time and what if this means that the baby is allergic to? Sometimes it’s a sign of that since I believe mothers exhibit behaviour and qualities of their baby to be while their pregnant. I know many don’t believe in this but I believe very strongly in it and have actually exhibited the behaviours then that my children do now. It’s kind of theory of mine, I’ve become Sheldon I guess haha. “Bazinga”

The thing that bothers me about giving cuddles away also is I want to make sure that she’ll be okay and loved and taken care of, she’s practically family. Also i feel like I’m breaking my word and promise I made to her when I almost gave her up when I was 19 because it was hard to find a place that allowed pets and it was frustrating to my now ex-husband so I was going to sacrifice the cat I had for years for him because I was dumb and just sacrificed everything with him. Pathetic. Note to woman and men out there, “IF you have to sacrifice everything that matters to you or just have to really sacrifice, that’s not a relationship.” People think and say it is but it isn’t and the relationship will eventually crumble because you cannot make solid grounds with cut up pieces of cardboard of okay I guess I’ll give this up to’s to be with you.”

No no no, relationships are and should be like this and this alone,

“If it falls together naturally and you work together to incorporate both needs of each other and who ever else is involved such as pets and children to make it work. I’m not talking sacrifice I’m talking accepting and making room and growing and expanding what you have so that you can be there for the other and what they want and need then waalaaa you have found it.”

Take it from me, sacrifice is a relationship killer.

When your with someone you shouldn’t have to or be asked to give up something you love and need.

back to cuddles…

It’s rally hard to let her go because I love her for one and for another will she be loved and happy and lastly I promised her I would never try to give her up again. I know it may sound dumb that I promised a cat something and I don’t want to break it and you think it’s just a cat and it’s no big deal. Where I come from though, you keep your word to the best of your ability and you care and treat everyone, even creatures as someone special and important.

When I say where i come from i mean another rhelm and planet, remember I’m an alien.

Still don’t believe me? its okay, I like it that way, you see the more i tell you the less you believe and be suspicious after all who would really admit it if they are right.

oops i gave it away. “hahahaha”

Your still clueless”

Motherhood

Tags

Child, Family, God, Holy Spirit, Home, mother, mothers day, Parent

I have been a mother since I was 19 years old which seems like ages ago to me. I grew up with the same knowledge that, “When you’re a mother, you can’t have time for you.” “All your time is for your child and you have to sacrifice everything.” “You have to keep your eyes on that child every second and that is your job and that is all you can do.” “You have to give up your happiness and dreams.”

These messages and statements never fit well for me, it is similar to the messages sent out that, “You can’t put yourself first, if you do you are selfish.”

I once spoke to someone a long time ago and he said to me, “Just as a fire fighter, you put your mask on so you can save others.”

I am here to tell you and remind you that when you are a mother, you do not have to sacrifice everything. You do not have to give up all time and you do not have to lose all happiness because you have a child. You are a mother and to be a mother, there is something every mother should know and take with them and understand. You have to have time for you and you have to take care of you or you will lose the ability and know how of how to take care of others.

I didn’t live this way through my marriage, I did sacrifice and I did spent every second taking care of my husband and my child and I forgot how to take care of me. I forgot over the years and I looked to others to make me happy and depended on them to help me because I forgot how to take care of me. I was following the message that is given to us growing up. I did this gradually, I lost sight of myself and I made mistakes because I didn’t have any fuel for my soul because I was giving it all away and I was taking care of everyone but me and I lost how to care for me. I lost how to be happy with me and I slowly lost how to take care of others.

My marriage fell a part and I am not saying it is me because it breaks on two ends, but this is my part. I lost myself and I sacrificed and didn’t take care of me. I wasn’t happy with my life and I wasn’t happy with who I was or what I had. I had lost sight of everything because I had no fuel. I had given it all away.

When my marriage ended in April 2010 I began to find myself and I began to take time for me and care for me because I had no one. No one was there to depend on, I was alone and I felt alone and I was scared. I wasn’t lost and sad anymore, I was terrified and I was alert and awake and it was a difficult time for me. It was difficult to go from giving and losing myself and sacrificing everything including myself, to not having anyone to lean on and being along with the situation that was now a fire burning me. I changed homes, I left my husband, I left behind my children, I got pushed down and insulted by my neighbors and in-laws while pregnant with my son Niki and I dealt with the unstable emotional ups and downs of my boyfriend Michael.

I began to discover over time that I needed to take care of me, because no one else was going to. I needed to be happy and I needed to do what was best for me so I could get into a good balanced place emotionally and physically and mentally. I have gone through many changes since April 2010 and for the better to. I have undergone, divorce, custody, change in lifestyle, low self of esteem, breakups, miscarriage, abuse, break ups, getting help to support myself and my child, court, more break ups, hospital visits, being sick, being anemic, living alone, going grocery shopping by myself, paying bills, doing everything for myself. Every day I do something and learn something knew.

I have gone through so many changes and grown up so much and it was then when I learned how to take care of me again.

I am more balanced now and I am more happy and I am able to have the fuel I need so that I can be a good mom for my children. Better than I was. All because I stopped sacrificing and I started taking care of me and remembering that it’s important to do things for me and take care of me and find out my dreams so that I can be there for others.

The message is clear. “Take care of you”

Motherhood is not about sacrifice, it’s about a balance and finding a balance so that you can be a good mom for your children and teach your children that it is essential and important to take care of yourself so that you can take care of others. To live a balanced life.

Every day it’s a struggle, the world is changing and there are so many obstacles that come our way, but we must learn to stop… breathe and take a moment to remember what we need to be able to go forward.

I love my life and I love my children and I love how far I have come and I am thankful of where I am now. I get lonely, but I am balanced and able to rise from it and take care of myself and reassure myself and do something good for me that makes me feel good. SOmething I need, so that I can live a balanced life.

The world is changing and it’s time we understand that the messages we give to our children will have an impact and many of these messages have caused unpleasantness and caused destruction and I think going into the future there will be better messages given for our future generations. In fact I have seen and heard new messages that I agree with coming into play and being spoken and people are speaking out what would be covered up years ago.

We are learning we have a voice and we can learn to communicate and solve problems and help each other through understanding which comes from communication and finding a balance among us. This is the future.

Tell me? How many of you have sacraficed who you are?

How many of you have forgotten how to take care of yourself?

How many of you are not happy with your life or who you are?

When did you learn to take care of you? And how is your life now that you do?

In the presence of men I’m…Rajesh?

Tags

Couch, Family, Furniture, Home, Living room, Mothers, Parenting, Recreation

I posted a blog about how I managed to get my sofa taken downstairs but I didn’t go into details of how it came to happen and the journey of it so I thought I would share my story since I’m still laughing about it. It’s really quite a funny  little story and proves how weirdly shy I am and nervous when talking to men. I was with my mom at home and we decided to go out and I was just discussing with her how I needed to get rid of my sofa by Friday when I get my new sofa, well used sofa that is because it’s not new.

I know the thrift store wont take it and I was mentioning to mom how I keep running into the maintenance guy in my building and we hardly speak. I just giggle and he says hi and watch out for paint is usually how short the conversation is. ha!

So I was walking down the hallway to leave with mom and I saw the guy painting and I decided to ask him, I figured just go for it because I really need to get rid of this sofa and mom was with me so she gave me courage. Heres how it went,

Me “Hi… um… I know your just the maintenance guy and you probably don’t do this but I was wondering if you knew anyone that wouldn’t mind moving my sofa from my apartment to downstairs so I could get rid of it. I don’t know anyone so…”

Him “Is that a weird way of asking me to do it?”

Me “Um.. well yeah. I didn’t know who else to ask.”

Him “Okay.. I’ll do it for you.”

Me  ”Wow.. really? “Thank you so much.”

Him “how big is the couch, a love seat?”

Me “A little bigger than one”

Him “DO you have a pen so I can give you my number since your going out. What time are you going to be back?”

Me “In about an hour… Um I think I have a pen.” Looks through purse.

He takes out a pen and finds a paper and starts giving me the number while my mom  talks about how I have three other kids after he asked about Niki and how old he was and then he mentioned how he has two girls and the situation with his ex etc and mom was chatting about mine and how i have three others etc.

Okay so then I get the number and we are all talking now about other stuff like custody and kids and ex’s and then  I hand back the pen and paper and he tells me to give him a call when I’m back so he can come get the sofa. I say okay and mom and I go to leave when I realize I don’t know where I put the paper with his number on it so I am like,

“Wait… where did I put the number.”

Him “Did you give it back to me?”

He checks and realizes I did and gives it back and says, “you probably took my pen and gave me the number back.”

Me “Did I?”

Then we both laugh and then I leave.

Then he came to get sofa later after I called and he’s like, “This isn’t a love seat.”

Hahahaha

The sofa is so big and bulky I can’t even believe he got it out of here. What a funny little story. I still can’t belive the way I asked him, “Is that a weird way of asking me?” hahahaa

One thing you should know about me is I aint one to ask for things. I kind of hint at what I need or want and hope the other offers to avoid having to really ask. I am not sure why, I just don’t  want to ask and I  find it really difficult to. hahaha

Oh and then he  was very surprised when he found out I was almost 28 and when he thought I was 16. Rofl

I just said “I’m immortal” and he responded, “A vampire?”

I said, “yes.” and that was pretty much the last thing besides where he told me to put the cushions when I take them down.

I am so glad and relived the couch is gone.

Chinese baby Gender predictor

Tags

Children's Hospital of Eastern Ontario, Facebook, Family, Home, Journal of Maternal-Fetal and Neonatal Medicine, Parenting, United States, University of Ottawa

So I was playing around online and I came across this predictor and I first tried it out for all my other children to see if it was even accurate and it was. For every child I had it got it right. This one says it’s going to be a girl I really hope so, we will soon know if it’s right for this one to like it was for my other four.

http://www.parenting.com/chinese-gender-predictor/results/27/Feb