Bi Curious

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bi bi-curious experience, Family, Home, Mothers, Parenting, People, Requesting Help, Single Mothers, Single-parent

Is it bad that I am and probably always have been but didn’t want to admit it. I’m more confident now though and don’t really care what others say about it because everyone has different likes and interests. I’ve talked to a few gals that are in the same boat and looking to make a girlfriend, one I can spend time with and possibly explore my curiosity. :p

I’m a wild child Iz is lol “joke”

It’s not a big deal, and I’m not in search of a partner, just a girlfriend to chill and have fun with. One who shares my interests and that we can create and have fun with what we enjoy and love together. Make new memories.

I’m going the online way of meeting girls instead of in person considering it’s hard to know who is or isn’t like me and I don’t get the opportunity to meet other girls much being a single mother and not able to go out alone and do stuff. When my babies get a bit older it will be different but for right now I go out with my son, so you can imagine its hard to meet people. :p I’ve tried mother groups, but I don’t seem to fit in with them other girls. :p

Anyone in the same boat as me?

Whats your first experience with the same gender?

Mine is, my best friend from the u.s when I lived there and we used to play with each other Not a detailed story or anything, but you get the picture. haha

My family doesn’t know this about me, but I’m not ready to share yet until I explore more. I know they wont care though, well my mom might lol. She’s against gay marriage and stuff, if they don’t know I’m into girls it I’d find it odd they are shocked because I constantly compliment woman and defend gay marriage and talk a lot about women and how pretty they are ha ha. :p

 

 

Celebrity Marriages

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Celebrities, Celebrity, Intimate relationship, Marriage, People, Relationship, Relationship breakup, Tom Cruise

I have come across many articles about celebs marriages and their later breakups. It’s understandable considering all the pressures in their individual lives they have and merging them together with someone who is also a known celebrity would be pretty difficult. You would need a balanced universe between the two and they would need to work extra hard to keep the public out of their own affairs, which is hard to do when there are cameras on them every where they go.

It’s bad enough having issues in a relationship, than the whole world knowing about it and making judgments on stories they read about in an article. I have a lot of respect for celebrities that have to put up with a lot of criticisms and not just for their creations, but for their everyday lives. It comes with the territory of being a celebrity. Their personal lives become a movie to the fans and they are entertaining us with their falls and rises?

Celebrity’s jump in and out of marriages as they do clothing.

We would to, if the cameras were on us everyday off camera people like you and I. Well technically, I am an on camera person considering I create and am a born performer like my father. Only he didn’t go for that route. Some of my other family members did however, one being an actor.

I just read on yahoo because that has become my daily newspaper for some reason. I wont even touch my daily newspaper that comes to my house everyday, I hate that crap. I don’t like reading about deaths and killings etc. That’s all papers seem to write about, like it’s entertaining. That shit aint cool.

Okay so I read that TOm cruise who is a major hotty is splitting up with Kate Homes. I am sure they have their own reasons for their split up and mostly it just comes down to, simply growing a part and just not working together the way they used to. When a marriage or relationship fails it’s very gradual and happens over time, depending on what occurs to the final breakup, but there is always a build up. Couples letting things build and build and never finding or seeking to find a solution that will better their relationship. Believe me, I know what I’m talking about there.

I feel sad when a couple splits up, it means that they both have decided to give up, if their still in love it’s more sad, because they should be able to find the strength to work together to better their relationship and make it stronger, but usually if you have to really struggle to try, it just wasn’t worth it. I am a strong believer that if it works it falls into place and you have something solid to start off with. If you don’t have that solid start at the beginning of the relationship, you either get weaker or you get stronger together. It all depends how much you want it and are passionate for another. Your love should inspire you and should drive you and should motivate you, but not to become great on your own but great as a union together as well.

I look up to Will Smith and his wife, they are a family of stars that have that solid strength I believe. Very dedicated and motivated and very in love and putting everything they have into each other, not because they have to, but because they simply are. Yes, I am aware I know nothing about these people, but I can see it when I look at them, I just know.

It’s kind of sad when I read about celebs on tabloids because I know what they must be feeling when they see some of the topics about them being distributed across the globe and knowing there are so many people judging them and to feel that pressure of that has to be exhausting. They have to develop a superpower to block off that world from entering their own little force field of, “I am great and I love myself and know who I am and what I stand for!”

It doesn’t matter what people think, yes it hurts sometimes, but deep down it’s what you think of yourself that really matters in the end. We create and shine from the inside out and the only shine we got is how we feel about ourselves.

“I feel great” I’m still building my confidence that got shattered through he many years of men etc telling me I wasn’t good enough etc, “I know I am beautiful inside and I know I am a good person.”

See… hehe “My SHINE IS ON!”

Now get your shine on!

Curtains Oh No!

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Bay window, Curtain rod, Design, Interior design, People, Relationships, Window, Window blind

I finally got my bedroom with walls and my curtain rods have decided to give out and become gibbled. They are bending down and that is so not good at all because they are going to come down soon. All is well though because I got me a dashing mocho man to look at them and superman them until they are wonderwoman again, holding my walls up with strong arms. Hahaha!

I just got back from the store, I was in desperate need of cat liter and got that taken care of, but that’s not all I got. no no no!

I got myself a rainbow popsicle, yes I did!

I love popsicle and this one is so yummy. It was actually the one from my Look at mama video I posted awhile back if you remember?

I was waiting in line to pay for my things and this lady put her things down on the floor in front of me and was like,” I’m not trying to bud in, don’t worry.”

I’m like, “That’s okay.” Like come on lady, I didn’t glare or say nothing to suggest I thought such a thing.” lol

Then she saw the yummy popcicle on top of my stroller and looked at Niki and was like, “uuu somebodys getting a yummy treat I see.”

I smiled and kind of chuckled and said inside my head of course, “Yea… me!”

When I was walking home through a little mall a group of men asked if I wanted to sign up for a free membership for mother’s day at a work out center. i as usual cannot talk to men. It’s kind of like rauche from The big bang theory and please correct me if I spelt his name wrong, I have no clue how to spell that name. Ha!

I simple replied in a whispery silent breathy voice, “Nooooe, I don’ttttt” and when I passed they started laughing, probably because of how it sounded. Hell I’d of laughed to.

And what the hell was I trying to say when I said I don’t? lol I don’t even know.

I can talk to guys if I have spoken to them online before or if they ask me something when I’m relaxed and standing still. But just walking by or something. Hell most of the time, I just can’t speak. hahaha. It’s kind of comical. I almost wish there was a camera to show how I reply and react. ha!

Too funny.

Speaking of Mother’s Day, is everyone getting excited for it? What a wonderful day to say to Mommy how much you love them.

Feel So Alone

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Child, Family, Hardship Relief, Home, People, Relationships, Requesting Help, Single-parent

This is not the first time I’ve said this, I know. Believe me, it’s not even the first time I’ve felt it.

I feel like I’m going to just be a single mother forever because every time I fall for a guy, it’s never as it seems.

There are moments when I think… “maybe it will work if… maybe they care enough now and oh… well maybe if I act this way they will…”

It’s no use though, because I know in my heart of hearts that someone either cares or they don’t.

They either love you, or they love you in a whole different way then you love them. Or even love you in a way that is so not the way they say they have loved you.

I think people can become blind when they are in the moment and the one on the receiving end is so clearly experiencing everything on such a deep level that it becomes so overwhelming to bear.

That is how I feel.

I feel like I am looking at my experiences under a microscope unintentionally of course and I see things so clearly and things have become so vivid to me, it’s tainted what little I have left because I know the truth of it all.

The truth is hard to bare.

I feel so alone. I don’t think anyone I know understands me there. At least it doesn’t seem as such.

I feel like I have another beautiful child on the way and once again no one to share it with. No one to rub my ankles when they get sore. No one to hold my hair when I’m sick. Comfort me when I’m emotional and feeling down. Reasure me when I feel uneasy about things I am going through. I have no one to look into my eyes and tell me they would never want to hurt me and actually mean it. Or think of me in ways that let me know they care. When I have house chores, offer to help or lighten the load a bit, by helping me get to the laundry mat. I have no one to share meals with, or laugh with to a favourite show. No one to go on date nights with and go for long walks and shop until our feet hurt. Stay up talking until we fall asleep.

I am just me with my children, which is a wonderful thing, but it’s not the same.

I was a child and I dreamed a dream of a beautiful family of my own, one far off from the house I grew up in. A family with a man who loved me so deeply and who I loved him which I don’t even need to mention here because I fall easily and always seem to fall too hard for men who don’t give the same in return. Instead it’s I who isn’t giving enough always. It’s okay though, because some need more than others in relationships. I just want fifty fifty.

I know it’s going to be awhile now before I ever meet anyone because I am having my fifth child and I am on welfare… so many facets about me that would turn a guy off, yet I know that the right guy wont care about all that stuff, but I worry that he even exists.

Do I get love? Do I get my dream?

I feel so alone it hurts inside.

I don’t even have a friend. I’d even settle for a good friend.

“Tears” I guess I got to learn to let go of my dream and just be thankful for what I have, but the loneliness hurts. Especially now.

 

“SOME” Men Are Players

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Boston University Terriers men's ice hockey, Disorders, Health, Lefthanders, Men, Mental Health, People, Shopping

I’m sure not all are, but some men are and I have met one of them. I just broke up officially with my boyfriend because he pretty much left me anyways because well… I wont say, but he should have stuck around and supported me, instead of bailing and asking me what he did and treating me as he did. Then he admits my intuition is right, that he was pushing me away because we were moving too fast for him, when he is the one who led me on. Sure I’m not perfect, but still. He lied to me, led me on and then left me for something so stupid.

I just wanted to know and feel he felt the same and that we were going somewhere. Truth is we weren’t going anywhere.I was basically just something to tap on certain nights. Which hurts. Now I’m alone and… well. Who cares.

Some men really suck. I’m special n I know I didn’t n don’t deserve that.

I am still thankful of my blessings God has given. <3

Ain’t no one gonna rain on my parade!

Happy

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Business, Happy Meal, Men, People, Puddle, Rain, Relationship, United States

I’m tired of men bringing me down, so this time I’m not going to live in that puddle of tears. I’m going to stand up, be strong and start dancing and make a video and be creative. I know that I am special and if someone doesn’t see how special I am, they ain’t worth the tears.

Wooo! I can’t wait to start filming, I’mma filming tonight, uh huh. Wooooooo!

I think I will do the song by Britney, called till the world ends.

While I dance I’ve got my eggs boiling because I’m going to whip me up some egg salad sandwiches with pickles and lettuce. Ohhh yesss! so delicious.

Yawn :0 Is it morning?

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Allergy, Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, Business, Computer desk, Disease, Language, People, Yawn

I woke up, my sinuses are still being buttmunches, It’s like a nose cold or allergies, they always act up in the morning so I’m thinking it’s allergies. Maybe dust or something. Who knows. I feel good though other wise. I had a nice conversation last night and company and now I have the weekend to look forward to. I’ve got my computer desk I wanted shipped and on its way to me who knows when it’s coming though. Ha! and I have stuff to do today to which keeps me active and busy. Lets see… I have to go out today and do my laundry.. why because I simply must do it.

Omg… Date man came last night and my place was a complete mess, I just told him not to look at it. Ha! after he left I spent a half hour cleaning it because it was in my mind so much during the visit that I had to clean it in order to sleep. Ha Ha. Yes it is true. I AM DORK!

Don’t worry I meant to leave out the A in that. I do know what I’m doing when I’m writing so if you see a missing word and it sounds kind of slang or wicked weird it’s because it simply must and I meant to do it. Same with spelling wrong. Ha!

Is Worried

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Arts, Formats, God, People, Radio, Reading, Talk radio, Worry

Okay so I am afraid of men, they make me uncomfortable. Only when they say certain things to me that are out of the norm that feel weird to me. Okay so remember I am waiting to hear back from the guy landlord about the place I really like. He just got back to me and I asked if I got the place and if I can come on Thursday to put down my deposit and he said that he needs to see me tomorrow to talk with me about something first, but he’s sure I will get it. Okay? Why does he need to see me and talk with me first? and also he asked me to come late?

Am I just freaking out and reading too much into it or is something off about that. When I looked at the place he kept saying how he’d love to be neighbors with me over and over and now this and it worries me. I don’t like that. Now I’m all weirded out thinking he’s some pervert trying to get with me before I move in. Sigh. I hate how men in my life have made me afraid like this, but perhaps that fear will keep me safe and keep my eyes open for things out of the norm so I can get away from situations like that before they occur.

What do you think? Is it normal? Or is it Odd?

Celebrity’s

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Arts, Celebrities, Celebrity, Entertainment, InStyle, New York Fashion Week, People, Robert Downey Jr

I don’t seem to understand the fuss over celebrity‘s. What exactly is the fascination? maybe I’m just jealous of they’re glorious confusing lives of, “I’ll take that and would you wash my feet? WITH YOUR HAIR YOU IMBECILE !” Yea, um no.

I’m sure they live a glorious life but it comes at the cost of privacy and judgement, but that’s like anyone isn’t it? Hell even I have a history under my button of people invading privacy and judgement. I say button because I don’t wear belts, their too confining. Well, the truth is I buy clothes to fit, so their not needed.

So, tell me… are you a celebrity maniac? do you want to be like them, fallow them on the funny little site called twitter I can’t even stop using. If you met one would you have a panic attack?

Hells no! I’m Freakin SystematicMermaid, “I answer to no one” Hahahaha Yea, um no. I happen to like the average living people because most celebrity’s forget the appreciations in life of what you have… not all. SOME. A bit harsh? Oh well.

I love certain celebs don’t get me wrong but not because their Jennifer Garner or Kelly Clarkson, but because of their creations and energy they give to their living art is simply remarkable and intriguing. After all, I’m an artist myself so instead of goo goo eyes for the stars, I just goo goo for my own art ga ga’s and enjoy what I love and appreciate everyone who shares their gift and expression.

We are all equal

you can argue with that all you freakin want and you will cause your just popsicle tot heads with frozen gazes of, “I must gaze upon stars in a way of Paparazzi and craziness or they simply wont make money.”

Hahahaha

Just imagine a celebrity who has fans and followers who aren’t maniacs attacking them. who are caring, respectful, understanding… just imagine it. you can’t can you? Shame.

The industry would have a tasteful flavour on their tongue with that, if i do say so myself.

you just tinkle about that.

yes i said tinkle, it aint a type o or it would be corrected now wouldn’t it? Ha!

I tinkle it would

Where is it?

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Business, Consumer Goods and Services, missing computer search video making watch blog read, People, personal, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Shopping, Skittles, SweeTarts

Finding what you’re looking for is both a challenge and an aggravation, or maybe it’s a bit of an adventure. Climbing couches and chairs, tables and beds looking for your keys or in my case, “My scheduler.” I have a doctor’s appointment for my son set up on Dec something, at something o clock and I just happened to only write it in one spot and that spot is missing. I have went on an adventure looking for it, but have come back empty-handed in my search.

Where is it? I have looked everywhere is everyone’s classic line. Well, it’s obvious you have not because you don’t have it, do you? Ha! silly willies.

So I must figure out another way to go about the date and one way would probably be to call the office with the number that’s written on a paper  that’s missing, ha! go figure. Is it a sign I must not go? I doubt it because it is a good meeting that will help, but where the hell is my booklet?

I don’t know about you, but when I’m frustrated or mad about missing something or something breaking in some cases I talk to the objects like they can hear and understand me. It’s venting I believe, at least I don’t answer myself. ha! though I’m not sure that’s so bad considering it’s what I do when I write novels, I have to play all parts in the book. Does that mean I’m skitz. Yea, I am a skittle, that’s about it. I taste like candy, hence my name, MANDY – CANDY

“WHERE IS IT?”

Sorry, I’m still thinking where it could be, scanning my eyes around the room like a laser checking trying to find the object. I guess I think I’m in some spy/action movie. “That would be exciting.”

This…. “Is not exciting.” I just want to know the date damn it.

Perhaps I should ask Bob. He’s still tied up in my basement forced to read my blogs with the others I’ve captured. “Shhh”

“SHUT UP BOB.”

“BOB!”

“OMG” Pause………. “WHAT IF BOB TOOK IT?”

One moment….

Nope, he’s just wet himself again.

I’ll find it eventually I guess, but for now I’m going to get working on a new video. Are you excited? Of course you are. Why wouldn’t you be?

I will post a blog letting you know when it’s up, meanwhile keep your eyes open for my scheduler.

Stocking Shopping

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autism son christmas, Christmas, Christmas stocking, Girly girl, Health, Holidays, Natin, People, Shopping

It’s a crazy time of year as it is being christmas season and the mall is packed with wild people running around with their hands in the air trying to grab the last chocolate or toy off the shelf. “Not Quite” It is busy though and it was especially busy for me shopping alone with my two infants who are very loud. Well one is. I have an autistic son named Natin and anyone with an autistic child understands how their temper tantrums go and my son throws one in every store we enter. I was shopping as fast as I could for stocking stuffers for all my kids. I have four believe it or not and three of them have autism weirdly enough, I’m not sure how that came about, but what ever. I love them to death, they are my world and I am very thankful for them.

Where are my other two you ask, well of course your asking, you’re a nosey bunch of scoundrels wanting to eat up my gossip. Naw!

My other two are living with their father,  he has two and I have two. One of them isn’t his though it’s with my boyfriend, well… at least I think he’s my boyfriend, his behaviour tells me different.

Life is hard as a single mother of two infants in my care and when I was in the store and Natin was letting everyone know he didn’t like shopping they all gawked at me like I was a mad woman who couldn’t control my kid. “Stop staring!” I have to let Natin just yell it out and tell him it’s alright, it’s the only thing that works, I can’t prison myself indoors afraid of the risk of him screaming in public. I don’t like gawkers I like people who walk up and try to cheer him up and some do. I really appreciate when others do that because it lets me know they understand instead of stare at me like their better than me. Or like there’s some negative thought in their mind of who knows what.

So I managed to get at least two of the stockings done and about half done of each of the others, not including my boyfriends because I am not sure what to put in his yet since he never likes the gifts I get him anyways. So what do you get someone who hates what you buy for them? “Exactly”

So I finished my daughters because girls are so easy to buy for, well at least mine is because she’s a girly girl like me and likes girl stuff and my sons Johnathan is also done because I know what he likes because he’s old enough to express it to me.

I just have a few more things to get for my other two. I even managed to get my kitty some stocking stuff, I’m sure she will appreciate that.

After I did the half-finished job of buying stocking stuff I took the kids to the food court where we got some lunch, only Natin found it more fascinating to push the high chairs around and climb on chairs so I had to pack up our lunch and leave while I heard a group of old men laughing about it. “Is my hard time amusing to you?” “MEN!”

So my next trip to store land is tomorrow, hopefully it goes better,”oye”

Ellen Show

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@TheEllenShow, Ellen, Ellen DeGeneres Show, Ellen show listen grant wish talkshow, Games, MacArthur Ellen, Nicki Minaj, People, Sportspeople

How come Ellen picks all these wonderful kids and teens… from you tube land to come onto her show, but she hasn’t contacted me. I am hurt Ellen, how dare you. There is no excuse for this “Ha!” Well I’m sure she can come up with plenty, but that’s besides the point. I deserve to be on Ellen and dance to the chair and show her… wow that sounded wrong in so many ways. I deserve to be on the Ellen SHOW.

“I’ve just so much damn talent” LMAO “Ha!” “It’s true.”

Ellen, if your listening, “I need to be on your show because I have always wanted to be on tv and I think you should grant me this wish so the camera eye can look at me with its little beedy glass lens and say, “HELLOOOO WORLD”

Plus you’re the only talk show I watch because all the others are lame and boring. “NO OFFENCE” though, I am being offensive but only in an opinionated way. Ha!

I love ya Ellen, keep dancing and I want you to know

“I’m kind to others” He He

Would you date your friends ex?

Tags

Boyfriend, Dating, ex memories weird break up, Friendship, Girlfriend, People, Relationship, Services

No! most certainly not, unless you’re not fond of keeping your friend. No matter the reason of the break up it would make your friend uncomfortable to see you with her ex because of the memories involved. Also if she told you secrets… she would be worried it would get back to her ex.

Friends don’t share boys that’s just a girl friend rule and it should be respected. If you don’t care about losing a friend then by all means cross the path of fire. It’s disrespectful and just plain wrong and weird to even consider it. Even if she gave permission I think it would be odd. At least I wouldn’t do something like that.

Possibly consider the reasons she left the guy in the first place and ask yourself… “Do I really want this?” “Is this worth losing a friend over?”

What are your thoughts and feelings on this matter… Do you think it’s okay and would you go out with your best friends ex?

I just love the monkey picture it’s so adorable Wouldn’t you agree?