I was born and raised in Canada. My mom met my dad in a bingo hall and was attracted to him because she thought he was a cow boy. Turns out he wasn’t but he made her laugh, they fell in love and they got married. They had six kids together, I being the fourth, but the sixth child of my mothers. My mother had two children before meeting my dad and one was given away for adoption. I grew up in a kind of… hmm, broken childhood I guess. My brothers and sisters got in trouble at school a lot, I got teased and my dad began hitting us with a belt as our daily punishment. I was never hit with it, because I was too busy crying in my closet listening to my siblings. My two sisters fought over me and would use me against the other, but I never took anyones sides and was there for both of them. Right from the start, I knew I was different. I didn’t act at all like my brothers and sisters and I got teased at school a lot and a part from all that I had the ability to see spirits. Ya…
So I was a freak basically.
My parents packed us up and moved us to Carlin Nevada where I made two friends, well I made more friends then that. The popular girl group who had matching jackets invited me to join them, but I had made two other friends and one of them was possessive of me and talked me out of it. She began picking on me and bullying me and at one point held my face in the snow for a very long time until it turned color.
I got my first boyfriend while there and he would carry my books to school and that was about all we did and then I moved to Elko nevada and I met a group of friends that I always hung out with and I started smoking and was considered cool. I got more boyfriends and I also ended up with a boyfriend who tried to hit me with a baseball bat after I escaped from him when he tried to rape me while I was babysitting.
Another boyfriend of mine cheated on me and I found out in public in the music room to be exact and it turned out to be with a girl friend of mine and I walked over to him and slapped him right across the face and told my friend she could have his cheap ass and left with students applauding. My hand tingled and I got on the school bus and then started bawling my eyes out.
I went out with a boy named ROb bone who proposed to me four times and told me he was going to marry me and have kids with me and I told him he was wrong. I guess I was right after all.
When I moved back to canada I was glad because my ex, the psycho who tried to hit me with a bat and rape me threatened to kill me with a gun and he had been patrolling the streets each day looking for me. Scary shit. The night I left I went to the swimming pool with my girl friends for my goodbye and my ex who cheated on me was there and he tried to drown me. The life guard claimed he didn’t see it so all was fine.
When I moved back to canada I made a few friends and got into pot, well I did it like once or twice. My principle told me not to hang out with my friends and that resorting in me throwing pencils at his ceiling and telling him to suspend me so I could have a vacation. He didn’t suspend me he just told me to get out of his office. I was kind of a trouble maker.
When I transfered to a different area and new school I was on the watch list, which meant the counselor would be keeping his eye on me. My younger brother started hitting me all the time and I didn’t know what to do to make him stop so I confided in my counsellor. at this part I had done a turn around on my attitude and wanted to be a good kid but I guess that has it’s flaws because my counsellor slide his hands up my thighs after I confided in him and I got the hell out of there and then he stalked me and tried to come over to my house and would pull me out of class to walk with me and ask me about my life and get mad when I looked at other guys. Hmm. I told the principle finally after my english teacher started doing weird things as well and I got punished for lying and got held back a grade. NICE.
So when I transfered school again I was tired of it, I didn’t want to learn, I didn’t want to do my class work because I felt like there was no point. I had a really cool social studies teacher who got us to write a paper and I chose to write about what had happened to me in my last school and he told me if I wanted to take the counselor to court he’d defend me because he had a daughter and he wouldn’t want that happening to her etc. He actually made it so I could graduate. Out of school, he was my best teacher.
After high school I married my childhood sweet heart who I had to beg to marry me because his parents hated my family. My family used to live back to back with them when I was younger and apparently we didn’t qualify under their, “best family” laws so I was against it. I spent about eight years trying to get them to like me and make the marriage work and had three kids. Every time my husband said he wanted a baby I popped one out like a machine. BOOm. There ya go. I was a wife and a mother and I did my very best to make everyone happy, including his rude parents who called me names and made fun of me and my husband didn’t say anything about it, actually defended them for it. I guess they had reason right?
So I met my next partner after separating with my husband and I still had to live there because I couldn’t afford to move out and I couldn’t get a job because apparently the schooling I took didn’t qualify here. SO I was stuck there. My new partner and I were dumb and I got pregnant and I lost the baby and he gave me a hard time for it. Then we tried for a baby because I was heart broken of the lost and blamed myself. Then I was able to move out a month or so later with my new partner and that lasted about a month because he constantly made me cry and had no money to support us and accused me of pretty much everything imaginable.
He moved out and left me pregnant and I got help from the government to live. I was in an on and off again relationship with him for three years and it was hell and I loved him more then anything but he just didn’t feel the same and made it seem like I didn’t. Now I’m stuck loving a man who practically hates me. I have no job, I had a cancer scare and just recently under gone surgery to prevent it from happening and am single and with two of my children and I still don’t know what to do as far as work goes because everything I want to do is entertain and write. Hello BLOG.
My sister disowned me for getting a puppy, my brother disowned me years ago for leaving my ex husband and recently decided I was worthy enough to be his sister again and actually did a very kind thing for me and got me a place to live that is better and I am so thankful for it. He changed a piece of my world and made things easier on me as far as living goes. Bless his soul.
I am lonely a lot, I am heart broken and fraid to love again. I am teased as usual, that hasn’t stopped and my family constantly tells me not to be how I am, which in their words is, don’t make videos, dont post blogs, dont post on facebook. Dont put me on my book covers etc. Basically don’t entertain which is everything I was born to do. So How do I listen.
So here I am almost thirty, I have my youth in tacked, I have beautiful children, three with disabilities, but I love them all so so much. I am divorced, heart broken, alone but I am blessed because I have my children, my mother and step dad who is like the father I never had and I have all you, who actually read my blogs.
I will keep on dreaming and keep on doing what I love no matter who tells me not to, because I was born to do it.