It has come to my attention that my moods are greatly affected by my seizures, even before I am having one I am on edge. Anything can set me off, either to cry or to become very angry.

Yesterday it was Canada day and I thought about taking the boys down to the festival because it was so nice out, but with the heat and exertion that comes with that made me change my mind. I had a feeling a seizure was coming so I wanted to stay close to home. I feel like a prisoner. I have to constantly change my plans because I’ll know one is approaching and I don’t want it to happen in public. I also don’t want to fall and get hurt when it happens.

My fiance Rick told me that he had forgotten to pay the Gas bill that I reminded him to pay all month… I became very angry and he said I was getting very angry and storming all over the house and telling him I was going to leave and started packing my suitcase. He tried to calm me and stop me and my vision went inward from the small memory I have of it and he said I collapsed onto a pile of books on the bedroom floor and started convulsing. I remember hearing him crying, but I couldn’t comfort him, or say anything. It’s like it was all a bad dream.

I knew that when I get seizures, sometimes I get paralysed in my body, mostly my legs. I was reading up on that sort of thing and I think it’s an atonic Seizure also known as a drop seizure. Which makes sense because I have a memory of walking home from school in the thick snow and all of a sudden I dropped to my knees without control and couldn’t move my legs for a half a minute or less which freaked me out. I finally got feeling back and wobbling made it home.

I know I have partial seizures from what I’ve read and possibly complex partial and now I think I have Atonic to. I’m not at all sure which ones I have, but can you even have more than one? I wont know till I get testing done, hopefully I get a call soon about the EEG but I have read a lot and just kind of try to match information up with everything to get an Idea how to avoid injury.

Last night I had a small one, but it came with a lot of Aura that lasted a very long time, at least that’s how it had seemed. I kept seeing lights flash by in the bedroom and sometimes I would open my eyes and think I was blind because it was all darkness and I had to keep looking around until I found the light of the door. I felt afraid as I usually feel with Aura.

I have absolutely no energy today, my energy and moods and life have been greatly effected by this condition and I am just now realizing how much they have effected my life for ever since I can remember and much more now. I wish I was normal. I wish I didn’t have to worry or stress about so much and feel so much all the time and not be able to control it. I wish the seizures would stop. Sometimes it’s really hard because I see how it affects those around me to, how hard it must be to deal with me. I really hope I can find a solution that will help my condition and make life a little easier, not just for myself but for everyone effected by it.

5 thoughts on “Drop

  1. I have the same problem with the mood, its always changing. its hard for people to understand why we get so stressed. there not the ones that are worrying about have a seizure everyday!

    1. I know.. I mean I am worried to leave my house now, I keep thinking what if it happens when I go to the store. I went out for a simple trip to the store and I got aura which made everything look like I was underwater and I was afraid I wouldn’t make it home in time. That’s scary. I stay calm in that moment as best as I can but it’s worrisome. It takes a lot out of you to. I am always exhausted after a seizure/episode depending how intense it was. I feel out of sorts and foggy and like I got ran over by a bus. I’ve got two little ones so I gotta push on and I get comments sometimes about how its so hard for me to do simple things like make dinners and clean. People don’t get it sometimes. I’m glad to know that I’m not alone, thanks for taking the time to comment.

      1. its not a problem. our lifes are never going to any easier no matter what people try to do to help. and their stupid comments and pep talk never help no matter how thoughtful they are. I’m here if you want to talk and I’m facebook

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