When I think of autism and anxiety I think of it as this wall in the way. I know what is behind it and understand how to get to it, but I can’t. I do not have the tools to do so and I think in many ways anxiety is like autism, where others are given the tools, the chisel and hammer and what ever is needed to make a tunnel to get through the wall, but us with anxiety and autism we only have our finger nails.
Without someones help and tools we have to rely on our selves to get through the wall by scratching at it until we make a break in it. We get hurt in the process and it’s sensitive emotionally to us and frustrating to do so.
Where as others have the tools to just make their way through, we have to rely on so many things in order to break through this wall that is always in the way. It’s not that we don’t know how to get through it’s that we do and we can’t no matter how hard we try because of the missing tools in order to do so.
It’s not that we do not understand the way to do it, it’s that it’s confusing to not be able to use what is necessary to get through as others can and it separates us and we are then this separate being from our peers who find it so simple. It’s a simple task to make a phone call, but it’s a hard one for someone with an anxiety. It’s a simple task to convert from a bottle to a cup, but it’s a hard one to that of an autistic one when it just doesn’t feel right and we know that we need to convert but we do not have the tools to do so, so we are frustrated when someone tries to make us.
Maybe it makes sense to you, or maybe it doesn’t.
All I know is it makes sense to me and that I can relate to an autistic person on that level. With anxiety and epilepsy I understand some of the struggles.
I understand the courage it takes to build yourself up in order to achieve the things that are hard to do. I understand that when I am having a bad day or my autistic son is having a hard day that it isn’t because he is trying to give me a hard time or that he’s just acting out, it’s because he’s having a hard time understanding something so simple for someone else and that he is challenged by something and rely on me or someone for guidance. I understand that in order to find a way through the wall before him that he needs the tools that he doesn’t have. I believe that these tools can be given to him, that it may seem like something that is forever, but there is always a way around or through.
I believe that time and patience and a new way of looking at life and challenges that I and others face will help to broaden our perspective and help us gain the tools we weren’t given and that we have so much to offer the world but we have had the end of the straw that requires others to open their eyes and and ears and gain our heightened senses in order to look through our eyes and help us to achieve what we do not have and gain what we already do.
Instead of separate, bring us together.