In Slow Mo


Last night I must have been really tired because I fell asleep early and slept right through my pill alarm and didn’t wake up till 10pm. I finally remembered I hadn’t taken my pills and took them and now this morning I am paying for it.

It’s an off day again and if you don’t understand what I mean by that, allow me to elaborate a little bit so you understand what an off day means for me. Everything is slow. It’s as thought I am looking at the world in slow motion. I can’t keep up, my speech is slow, my movement is slow and I twitch a lot. I think a lot slower if at all. This blog is a struggle to write, I’m surprised I am even able to do it. I have moments of ¬†spaciness where I think I’m going to disappear and fall out of my body, but then it goes away. I imagine scenario of how someone would know I need help because I live on my own.

I hate days like these and I dread being around others on them because I’m afraid they will think I’m dumb or something because I’m slow, but it’s my stupid epilepsy and medication. Sometimes I just want to stop taking it and wonder if it will all go away, thinking it’s the pills, but then I know it’s not. “Sigh”

Does Epilepsy even go away?

Not to mention, I still have a bit of a cold which doesn’t help my slow mo day at all. I guess I shouldn’t miss pills. Not like I meant to though, I still can’t believe I was so tired I slept through the musical alarm I have set for my reminder. I must have thought it was a part of my dream.

One thought on “In Slow Mo

  1. I feel bad for you Amandah. I was going to say I feel sorry for you but I think people don’t like to hear that. Not sure why. I guess it points out that something isn’t right or something. I don’t know. Anyway, I do have feelings of sorrow for what your going through. I wish there was something I could do about it but I know I”m not as smart as your doctors. I guess, all I can say is, Mandy, please never ever feel dread about being “around me”. Maybe not around in a physical sense but you know what I mean. Please always know that I never think your dumb, stupid or slow. I NEVER think that and I really want you to feel comfortable. Come to me if you need someone to talk to. If your in the middle of your day or night and feel like your spinning around chasing your tail. If you feel like you could stop if you could just reach out and grab someones hand. Someone to talk to a few minutes so you can catch your breath and stop the world from spinning. Mandy you know how to reach me.

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